The holiday season is in full swing, with twinkling lights all through town, gatherings big and small, and the excitement of gifts to be given and received. It’s a fun time of year, but for many people – whether on the autism spectrum or not – the magic can quickly turn to overwhelm.
Everyone wants a picture-perfect holiday, but what if “perfect” is something a bit simpler than what we see on TV or online? This year, instead of chasing perfection, we are giving you permission to aim for a calmer, more grounded holiday where the whole family can actually feel at peace and enjoy the little moments that make the season special.
Holidays often mean messy schedules, late nights, and surprise changes. But for many kids, routines are more important than any holiday tradition. It’s understandable that some parties might shift your usual patterns, but even if the timing is off a bit, following your usual bedtime routine will go a long way toward settling your child’s nervous system after an evening of excitement.
The events that are typical this time of year are full of sensory input such as lights, music, new people, and conversation. It can be helpful to find quiet moments to check in and hopefully head off any meltdowns before things become overwhelming. A quick walk around the block for some fresh air can do wonders as a reset, whether you’re a kid or an adult. So can some quiet time for a favorite story or other calming activity. It’s a lot easier to prevent overwhelm than to calm a meltdown in progress. It’s a worthy goal to ensure the holidays are enjoyable for everyone.
While some people might thrive on spontaneity, many if not most kids with autism find it less stressful to know what’s coming. Knowing ahead of time where you will be going, who will be there, and what will be happening can help kids feel like things are a bit more in control. Offering structured choices rather than open-ended questions (for example: “Would you like to sit by the tree or by the window when Aunt Mary arrives?”) gives some autonomy without being overwhelming. Give kids permission to step away or take a break to prevent frustration, too. Bringing a couple comfort items along can help if they’re out of their usual space.
The holiday “supposed-tos” often come from what we see on social media, in movies, or in big family traditions. For autistic families, it can be overwhelming to try to live up to that picture-perfect ideal. Instead, define a good holiday by what feels good for your child. It’s okay if your child doesn’t sit through the entire dinner, open gifts in front of everyone, or participate in every tradition. That doesn’t mean they’re missing out. It means they have different needs. A quiet morning with a familiar movie, favorite snack, and one small gift can be just as meaningful as a big holiday dinner. A holiday that honors your child’s sensory world may not look like a Hallmark movie, but it can be more joyful, more meaningful, and more peaceful.
Parents often feel the pressure to make the holiday magical, keep everyone happy, and manage the chaos while also staying calm. That’s a lot. For you to support your child’s regulation, you need to be okay too. Pay attention to your own fatigue, overwhelm, or stress. If you need a minute, take it. A few calming breaths, a quiet corner, a short walk, or whatever helps you reset. Partner with someone else and divide roles during gatherings, if possible, and give yourself permission to say no if the expectations become too much.
The holidays are full of opportunities to make memories, and the best part is that everyone gets to make their own. This year, set peace as your goal, and don’t forget to take photos of every moment, especially the messy and imperfect ones. Later on, you’ll likely realize that they were actually quite perfect after all, for you and your loved ones.
Wishing you a season of comfort and joy, from all of us at Journey Therapy Center.